Reader Question:

I have been friends using this lady for a while. She dumped the woman date. We’ve been texting lots – like 200 communications a week. We keep getting combined signals from their, and I love the girl. Ought I do it? But Really don’t wish destroy the friendship often. We additionally hang out, and hookup apps that work I believe she actively seeks me personally inside halls.

-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)

Expert’s Answer:

Hi, Ivan. Many thanks for trusting you using this vital private problem.

There is a large number of possibilities to explain what’s going on right here, but i’d like to provide my personal «take.» First and foremost, you state she’s sending blended indicators, which most likely implies the woman is baffled and never certain of just what actually she wants.

She could continue to have feelings or dreams for the union she simply kept, or she can be available in order to make a move. She can still maintain the recovery process, and she may not be prepared be seen publicly with another man however.

Texting might her means of trying and connecting right now while she completes emotionally disconnecting from the woman ex. She may also be perplexed if her friendship for your needs occasionally seems loves it really is evolving into anything larger, but she actually is not sure if you «like» like this lady.

As for you, Ivan, you are in a rather precarious place nowadays. She actually is about rebound and requires emotional service. She trusts you and seems better whenever she shares some texts or hangs completely along with you. She searches for you within the halls because she wants you, in one method or any other, and that’s in which you have to be mindful. In the event that you place the friendship first above the interest in dating her as a girlfriend, you’re in major danger of getting relegated toward «friend region,» which will be a painful destination to escape from.

My information for your requirements is to find including the girl and chat physically. It ought to be previous and quicker than an actual time, however it gives you a thought if she desires see you or perhaps not. Tell her she must escape and simply take an hour or so to chuckle and enjoy herself and you would really love the chance to consult with the lady in more degree, too. Choose a spot where your pals never ever get – maybe a Starbucks anywhere – so she’s going to feel as though the woman confidentiality is being safeguarded.

Ask the girl exactly how she is carrying out assuming she actually is really completed with her ex. Pay extremely attention to her gestures. Is she leaning towards you or away? Is she big-eyed and cheerful, or detached and careful? Is she acting «girly» or like a buddy?

Absolutely something else you have to do: inform their really matter-of-fact method in which you prefer her. After that cannot say another phrase. She has are the following one to speak. Hunt the lady straight during the sight so she will be able to visit your strength as well as your sincerity. Boldly and confidently grasp her shoulder or arms. Just make sure she knows you are looking at her in a romantic man-woman method of method.

End up being strong and type but never psychological or desperate. Make this lady wish to come your way for caring and comfy man you happen to be and never when it comes down to wonderful man who is «secure» and benign. The woman genuine thoughts and intentions should expose themselves while the dialogue unfolds.

Do it now,

Nick